When Your Chips are Way Down on Christmas

Dear Friend of All the King’s Horses Ministry,

I am beyond grateful for all who have reached out with phone calls, emails, prayer and financial support since our Thanksgiving letter. I am continuing to battle hard to recover from my shoulder surgery since this summer’s accident, and I am now feeling proficient enough to schedule the first of two needed eye surgeries for Bryson during the first and second quarters of 2019 (in the left and right eyes respectively).

We had a blessed Thanksgiving, but it was not without its challenges. We hosted a crowd of about twenty. Unbeknownst to me Bryson disappeared upstairs during the festivities to shave his entire body due to the stress and anxiety he was feeling. I was soon beckoned upstairs to find him bleeding profusely. He had gouged his leg so badly that we could not stop the flow. I thought we needed a trip to the E.R. Thankfully, my nephew Jason (a nurse) was able to apply adequate pressure on the wound to ultimately stop the bleeding. He then wrapped up my son with bandages to enable him to rejoin the party. As Gilda Radner of Saturday Night Live used to say: “It’s always something!”

As I write this, Bryson and I are fully engaged in Christmas activities that he still finds magical at 32 years old, including Christmas stories from Golden Books, little chocolates behind each door of his Advent Calendar, A Charlie Brown Christmas and all the Classics. The truth is, I still enjoy the thrill he receives from these, and it warms my heart to know that Jesus said we must all become as a little child to enter the Kingdom of God (Mt. 18:2-4). As you might imagine, my perspective is tinged with sadness too, knowing that my son’s life has been permanently altered through the unending implications of his brain-injury.

Beyond the sadness are the practical implications of his ongoing care. I mentioned in the last newsletter, the only time I am fully at rest is when Bryson is asleep. The stress and exhaustion involved in being the sole caregiver for a multiply handicapped individual is intense every single day. Indeed, barely a day goes by when there isn’t a trauma.  Bryson is falling more for some reason. We think it is because he has gained some weight, making it more difficult to control his body in view of his Cerebral Palsy. I am now bandaging him up from these accidents regularly, just holding my breath that he will not break another bone. I treat his eyes with meds 10-12 times per day, and he still struggles to see on many nights. But his emotionality remains the largest stressor, by far. Like hitting a light switch, things can become dark and confrontational in a hurry here. I pray immediately during these episodes, and the lights ultimately come back on.

Quite honestly, after three decades of caring for my son, the ongoing drumbeat of stress often lays me low. I sometimes need to look in the mirror and ask, “Tell me again, Lord, which one of us is really the mentally impaired one … because I think I’m losing my grip!” Most of you know that I’ve suffered three serious collapses (thankfully none in the last few years). BUT HOLD ON A MINUTE! HOW IN THE WORLD IS THIS A CHRISTMAS MESSAGE?!!

Below is an excerpt from the Christmas chapter of my book, All the King’s Horses – Finding Purpose and Hope in Brokenness and Impossibility. The chapter is entitled: “Nothing Will Be Impossible. It will remind you of something you need to remember when your chips are down, even as I need to remember it daily. In fact, even Mary needed to be reminded of this truth on the very first Christmas.

Through the years I’ve come to understand that we all need to be reminded of something we tend to forget when our chips are way down. It’s always been this way, I think. Even the blessed mother Mary needed to be reminded, prior to the very first Christmas. The things spoken to her by the Archangel nine months earlier had caused her to be perplexed: “How can this be, since I am a Virgin?” Gabriel chose not to contend the point on her level, because on her level, he knew she was right. In human terms, the things he proclaimed to her that night were indeed impossible.

 The Angel had reassured her by saying, “Do not be afraid,” but nine months had now passed, and not much had happened to assuage Mary’s fears. Joseph did not divorce her, or have her killed for adultery, as could have occurred in those days. Finally, he did believe her about the pregnancy, after he was visited by the Angel too. But that had not prevented others from talking. They had both been disgraced.

 A decree had gone out from Caesar Augustus, and a long, wearisome journey was taken, on a donkey no less, through a perilous land full of thieves. At long last, they arrived in Bethlehem, exhausted, as time for her labor drew near. She had every reason to be perplexed, ever since the Angel first visited, but now, who could have guessed this?! No room in the Inn? She would be forced to deliver her child in a stinking, unsanitary stable. Mary’s life, much like yours and mine sometimes, had taken a turn for the absurd.

 She viewed her predicament from every angle. She couldn’t begin to understand how this was all going to work out. As her pain intensified in that cold little barn, Mary groped to remember just exactly what the Archangel had told her nine months before. What reason had he given her not to fear? She remembered him saying, “Greetings, favored one.” Some favor, indeed! Her life was now a wreck. Maybe the Angel’s visitation was just a dream after all. Either way, it didn’t seem to matter anymore, as she writhed in the hay. Her life and her circumstances seemed more ludicrous and impossible than ever.

 But I suppose if God intended to keep us imprisoned in the realm of the possible, He would never have sent that first Christmas at all. The Angel’s words were later recorded, but not for Mary. She has long since passed her test. It is now time to pass our test, and overcome our fears. Life ebbs away too quickly not to do so. 

 When our most cherished dreams have been shattered, and it seems the doubters of our lives just may be right, when it appears we’d be absolute fools to dare to take even one more step forward, we need to remember something that is easily forgotten. God chose to enter our world during Mary’s darkest hour, even as the cry of a Baby pierced the blackness of that night. Mary finally did remember the Angel’s promise then. It is now time for us to remember, to lift our eyes to that Baby, and believe:

The angel answered and said to her… ‘For nothing will be impossible with God.’ Luke 1: 37

Because that Baby King came, and rules every inch of the Universe, we can entrust Him with all our “impossibilities,” even as Mary did. I will continue my mission for Him, beginning with the mission He called me to accomplish in my own home.

Thank you for your support in enabling me to do what the King has called me to do.

Merry Christmas,

Barry Milazzo

“But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God.” Acts 20:24 

https://mailchi.mp/atkh/a-christmas-message-from-atkh?e=4c78abbd6f